Why two halves of a whole?

Although I don’t have much experience in the love department, I don’t buy into or like the romantic notion that two soulmates are halves that make up one whole. There are so many songs and movie lines that use this “You’re my other half” or “You complete me” idea, but I think that this is the wrong one to plant into people’s heads–especially at a young, easily influenced age.

The reason I don’t like this idea is because it mainly suggests that you as a person are not whole–you’re only half of a person, and you won’t be whole until you have a lover. I have a huge problem with this because it means that you are always missing a half and on the constant search for someone who will “complete” you, but I’ve always believed that you as a person should be whole already, or at least looking to become whole. Especially because I see so many relationships in which one person is wholly dependent on the other or the two cling to each other in such a needy way, and I don’t think this is healthy. I think one person’s journey is always to discover the self and try to be as complete an individual as possible. Of course this might not happen right away, but never lead with the notion that you are only half of a person and you absolutely need a lover to be complete. If you’re always searching for a significant other rather than yourself, you’re doing life wrong. You come first. Of course if you are someone who feels whole from helping or being there for others, then this should be in general, not dependent on helping or being there for just one person, especially if the favor isn’t returned, so this still comes back to my belief that emotional independence is important.

You might think I’m being too literal with this, but I think the whole idea of two halves making a whole in a romantic relationship has always been taken pretty literally. It’s an idea ingrained into many heads. Even though I am not the most self-reliant person out there, I always like to think that I’m very independent in being, in spirit. I am always on the search to find out who I am as a person, and don’t want to need anyone else. That would mean I’m incomplete as a person, plus the other partner could always leave–would that mean I’m not whole again?

I think the healthiest relationship is when you find two whole people and they come together to make a pair. You get these two emotionally healthy, independent people who don’t need each other but they really want to be together because they add onto each other. And I think this is true love. You can’t imagine life without each other, not because they’re scared of being alone or dependent on each other to feel whole but because their lives are enhanced and doubly special when together. A person should try to be 100% on his or her own; then think how amazing it’ll be when he or she gets an extra 100% boost and the two together are 200%.

Of course parts of the self come and go with the addition of anyone in life, but in my opinion, this whole “other half” thing is ridiculous. Why would anyone want to be half of a person or want another half of a person? Why want half of anything? Go all the way. Become that 100%. It’s great when people find others who fill up holes in their lives, but remember that those others can always depart. Unless you keep those holes filled up after they leave all on your own, which is personal development and exactly what I’m talking about, you’ll just be back to where you were in the first place. Don’t rely on someone to keep those holes filled up for you without working on cementing them for yourself. Accept what others have to give you or teach you, but absorb, absorb, absorb. Don’t let them be temporary fixes to your life, because once that person leaves, you will be left incomplete again.

Always strive to become whole. You complete you. You can make yourself happy. You can love yourself. You shouldn’t need anyone else for either of those. I think love is at its most beautiful when you see two people enhancing rather than completing each other; it’s double the happiness and love to spread around.

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