Pigeons are majestic beings

People can hate on pigeons all they want, especially those in New York City, but when I see these waddling birds of obesity, I give a nod of respect and think, “You tough sons of bitches.”

Why do they get so much hate? Sure, there are a lot of them everywhere, but they’re incredible…….-y…..harmless… They’re basically the Snorlax of aves–they’re everywhere you don’t want them to be, they get in the way, and eat all the food, but they don’t actually do anything to you except inconvenience you a little bit. People think they’re dirty, but they got nothing on rats or…just the subway in general. They’re good citizens, going around cleaning up the food and garbage. They’re nice background music, with their cooing that almost sounds like purring. They’re amusement, because they look funny with their heads moving like chickens. They’re respectable because they’re tough and know how to survive. I see some of them with missing legs, and they’re still hopping around and strutting their stuff like the badasses they are. They’re truly just another New Yorker, resilient and strong. Oh, aaand they’re model citizens of America, what with their obesity.

“Come to ‘murica where even our pigeons are fat.” – New Ellis Island Slogan

They’re also interesting to look at because each one is different colored and patterned. Some are extremely beautiful, actually. I’ve seen white ones with lovely turquoise coloring. And let’s not forget that they used to be important means of communication back in the day. They were smart carrier pigeons, another group of warriors who worked long hours and risked their lives for the cause! Albeit against their will… Additionally, they had built-in GPS systems that took directions from their handlers. Hey, that’s pretty awesome, and it’s a dead art form now, training pigeons to send messages. Unless the army still does that or something, I honestly have no idea. Maybe super rich dukes who have too much time on their hands still do this for fun or something. Or paranoid people who think technology is the devil and will kill us all if given too much power.

Ultimately, give a little respect to these tough motherfuckers. Stop the pigeon hate! They’re awesome. As long as they don’t poop on me.

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One thought on “Pigeons are majestic beings

  1. Lol omg you are so right about pigeons being like Snorlaxes! They are quite hardy and smart birds. I admit I’ve fed pigeons before, especially when they look at me and bob their heads like, “please, I’m starving. 😦 ” and then I really can’t help but throw them morsels of my food. And of course that only attracts more pigeons at my feet. XD What never stops surprising me is how crazy the male pigeons are… they always seem to be frantically chasing after a female pigeon or doing that weird puff up and puff down of their chest and head to look big and strong. I don’t see how that’s supposed to help since the female is almost always attempting to get away lol. One time I got off the subway and saw a female pigeon being surrounded by males that were all trying to vie for her attraction. I was like, “damn, that’s awful, this is what women in the pigeon world have to put up with…”

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